Self-criticism vs. Self-compassion

Who’s the harshest critic in your life? For most, the answer is “me.”

Most of us strive to be better people each and every day. We set high expectations for ourselves. So what happens when we don’t meet those expectations? We are harsh – with ourselves. We kick ourselves when we’re down. In fact, we can be our own worst critics.

Somehow self-criticism has become a socially acceptable norm to a better life. Huh? Criticism for a better life? Yup, we all do it. For example, anxiety is associated with recurring negative thoughts. You may set a goal to not indulge these thoughts when they pop up – to just ignore them. Maybe your attempt fails. So you’re wallowing in your negative thoughts until you realize that you’re wallowing in your negative thoughts and then you get mad at yourself for doing so!

Does this sound like a good plan? Researchers don’t think so either.

Mounting research on the practice of self-compassion reveals that in a difficult situation, those who are gentle, kind, and more accepting of themselves (as opposed to self-critical) are significantly less anxious and depressed. They also enjoy more happiness, optimism, and positive emotions.

Self-Compassion

Self-compassion is not a ticket to pat yourself on the back or be cheery for no reason; it will not reduce your motivation to meet your goals. Instead, self-compassion is an invitation to respond to yourself as a best friend would rather than your worst enemy.

How do you practice self-compassion? Strive to do your best each and every day. On occasion, you won’t meet your own expectations. When this happens, ask yourself this: If I called my best friend today and told them what happened, how would they respond?

Today, be your own best friend. If you are feeling down, be kinder to yourself. Remind yourself it’s okay to be human. It will get you closer to where you want to be.

References

Neff, Kristin. Self-compassion: stop beating yourself up and leave insecurity behind. New York: William Morrow, 2011. Print.

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